


You Are Whatever A Moon Has Always Meant

by SecretMaker



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Body Worship, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-13
Updated: 2016-01-13
Packaged: 2018-05-13 18:05:01
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,875
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5711944
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SecretMaker/pseuds/SecretMaker
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>i carry your heart with me(i carry it in<br/>my heart)i am never without it(anywhere<br/>i go you go,my dear;and whatever is done<br/>by only me is your doing,my darling) <br/>-E.E. Cummings</p>
            </blockquote>





	You Are Whatever A Moon Has Always Meant

The park was quiet after the children left. Logically Shigeru knew that that only made sense, but hearing the silence that hung over the deserted playground as he and Kyoutani walked through it after dark was a surreal experience nonetheless. As they passed out from under the last of the streetlights lining the park Kyoutani reached over and slipped his hand into Shigeru’s.  
  
Shigeru glanced over to see the softest of smiles on his boyfriend’s face, In the shimmering starlight the planes of Kyoutani’s face seemed sharper, more severe. it occurred to Shigeru that this was what people saw when they first met Kyoutani. The fierce pride, the anger, the danger that seemed to follow Kyoutani like an unwanted shadow. A frown pulled at the corners of Shigeru’s mouth as he swung his gaze back to front.  
  
“What’s wrong?” Kyoutani’s voice was the barest of breezes ruffling Shigeru’s hair and his jacket. Shigeru smiled and squeezed his hand.  
  
“I was just thinking of how dumb your face is,” he answered. Kyoutani snorted and shoved Shigeru with his shoulder. Shigeru laughed and tugged on Kyoutani’s hand. “Come on,” he goaded. “I wanna get home sometime this year.” Kyoutani snorted again and took off jogging, leaving Shigeru to shout and rush to catch up.  
  
They stumbled down the street and up to Shigeru’s front door in a tangle of feet and elbows and breathless laughter. While Shigeru fumbled in his pocket for his key Kyoutani wrapped his arms around Shigeru’s waist and leaned up on his toes so that he could kiss a trail from the edge of Shigeru’s jaw around to the side of his adam’s apple.  
  
“You’re making this difficult,” Shigeru giggled, elbowing Kyoutani. “At least let me get the door open.” Kyoutani ceased his assault, but kept his arms in place, leaning his chin on Shigeru’s shoulder. Shigeru managed to locate his key at last and pulled it out. He opened the door and whirled around as he stepped inside, pressing a hand to the center of Kyoutani’s chest to keep him in place. He leaned in and placed a chaste kiss on Kyoutani’s lips, lingering for a long heartbeat or two. He pulled away and dug his teeth into his bottom lip, watching as Kyoutani’s eyes fluttered open.  
  
Shigeru watched the shift in Kyoutani’s eyes, the sunset within them as they turned dark and hungry. Shigeru shivered in anticipation, a move that Kyoutani picked up on. He narrowed his eyes and took a measured step forward.  
  
Shigeru stepped back and Kyoutani followed him, into the house, down the hall until Shigeru’s back collided with the wood of his bedroom door. Kyoutani took one more step, crowding into Shigeru’s space and caging him in with his hands near Shigeru’s head. Shigeru’s eyes shut of their own accord as Kyoutani leaned in dangerously close.  
  
“Shigeru,” he whispered, letting his lips just brush over Shigeru’s skin. Shigeru shuddered, his entire body jolting with sensation and anticipation. Kyoutani growled, pressing him more firmly to the door, his body warm and solid against Shigeru’s own.  
  
Heat flooded Shigeru in one lightning-quick rush, pouring into him where Kyoutani’s mouth was becoming steadily more insistent against his neck and flowing down until it met with the pool growing in Shigeru’s gut. His pants were feeling tight and his head light as he moaned and pressed his hips forward into Kyoutani’s.  
  
That, apparently, was the final straw. Kyoutani made a pained noise and bent forward to hook his arms around Shigeru’s waist. In a display of brute strength Kyoutani lifted him up and away from the door, fumbling it open and stumbling them both inside. Shigeru threw his arms around Kyoutani’s shoulders and slammed their lips together, not giving Kyoutani any time to react before he was biting and licking his way into Kyoutani’s mouth. He tore his mouth away long enough to push Kyoutani’s shirt off his shoulders, tangling it around his elbows before leaning back in again. Kyoutani stumbled across the room, turning when he reached the bed so that they fell together, Kyoutani on his back and Shigeru sprawled on top of him. Shigeru pawed at Kyoutani until he could tug the shirt the rest of the way off, groaning when Kyoutani did the same for him. He pressed them together again as soon as the shirts had disappeared, leaning in to bite at Kyoutani’s earlobe while Kyoutani scrabbled at the bare skin of his back, blunt nails leaving trails of fire and lust down his spine.  
  
“Kentarou, baby, I wanna try something,” Shigeru gasped against the skin of Kyoutani’s neck. He thrusted his hips forward again, drawing a moan out of Kyoutani’s chest, deep and rumbling. For a moment Shigeru forgot what he meant to ask of Kyoutani, too caught up in the sound of his voice lost to pleasure. But then Kyoutani started working his hand under Shigeru’s waistband. Shigeru seized him by the wrist, pinning it and its twin to the pillow above Kyoutani’s head.  
  
“Wha-” Kyoutani started, the lusty haze clearing just a bit from his eyes. Shigeru shook his head and leaned down to trail his lips along Kyoutani’s jaw.  
  
“I want to try this,” he whispered to Kyoutani’s sharp cheekbone. “I want to tie you to the headboard and have my way with you. Do you think you would want that?” His heart stuttered in his chest as he waited for Kyoutani’s answer. It was the hardest part, not knowing if what he was suggesting would be something Kyoutani would like. They weren’t the most… vanilla couple, per se, but Shigeru had always been cautious about pushing Kyoutani too far out of his comfort zone.  
  
It could go so wrong so quickly after all.  
  
But before he could rescind the offer Kyoutani was moaning and flexing his wrist against Shigeru’s hold. He nodded in a sharp, jerky motion, his eyes squeezed shut and his cheeks flooded with color. Shigeru’s hands trembled as he let Kyoutani go and climbed out of bed. He moved the the closet in a haze of disbelief, pulled out an old tie with an almost nauseous excitement dancing in his chest. He returned to the bed and sat on its edge like he had that time that Kyoutani had been sick and had confessed all his dreams for their future in a fever-induced delirium.  
  
Shigeru smiled at the memory, letting the silk of his tie slip against his fingers. This bed had seen so much of them, from the first time Shigeru had told Kyoutani he loved him to the first time Kyoutani had laid here trembling in fear and useless anger. Shigeru laid a hand against Kyoutani’s shoulder, waiting until he looked up before speaking.  
  
“Are you absolutely sure about this?” he asked. Kyoutani returned his gaze evenly.  
  
“I trust you,” he answered, his tone much too simple for the import that those words carried. Shigeru took a shuddering breath to steady himself as his grip on Kyoutani’s shoulder tightened.  
  
“I just want to be sure I’m not going to hurt you,” he said. Kyoutani reached up to envelop Shigeru’s hand in both his own, holding it on his chest.  
  
Kyoutani’s hands were broad and short, the palms and fingers almost entirely covered in callouses from years of play and work. They were warm and a little sweaty and safe. He bored into Shigeru with his gaze as though daring him to look away. There were entire books in those eyes, libraries written in languages unknown to man but shared and sacred between Shigeru and Kyoutani. Shigeru nodded and guided Kyoutani’s hands above his head once more. He willed his fingers to stop trembling enough to knot the tie around one wrist, feed it through the slats in the headboard, and bring it down to knot around the other. Kyoutani tested the hold and nodded up at him.  
  
Now that he was free to move uninterrupted Shigeru sat back on his heels and observed Kyoutani.  
  
People called Shigeru pretty all the time. Mothers and grannies fawned over this perfect good-boy looks, and more than a few girls whispered about him behind their hands when they thought he couldn’t hear. Even some of the boys on their rival teams let their eyes linger on him while he tossed for warm ups or wiped sweat off his brow. Looking down at Kyoutani now, Shigeru couldn’t help but think that they had it all wrong.  
  
He wasn’t the pretty one. He was average, dull even in comparison to this- this-  
  
Masterpiece.  
  
Kyoutani was a masterpiece of chiseled lines and hard edges, his skin soft over harsh valleys and planes.  He was golden light spilling across Shigeru’s living room on a summer afternoon. He was a twinkle of awe, staring up at the first snow as though he could never imagine anything so beautiful when all Shigeru had seen before was cold and wet. He was lazy days spent ignoring their studies and letting popsicles drip all over their wrists because how could anything taste as sweet as each other?  
  
He was everything Shigeru could never deserve, and he was about to find that out. Shigeru  leaned up on his knees so that he could pull at Kyoutani’s waistband, drawing his jeans and boxers down his thighs. He pulled them off completely and took a moment to appreciate Kyoutani’s ankles. There wasn’t anything particularly wonderful about them, just that they were Kyoutani’s and that made them perfect. He smiled to himself at just how horrible that thought was and moved back up to pepper Kyoutani’s jaw with kisses.  
  
“How’re you doing?” he asked the curve of Kyoutani’s cheekbone. Kyoutani grunted, an amused sound that usually accompanied an eye-roll or an elbow to the ribs. “Just checking,” he assured. Kyoutani’s chest rose against Shigeru’s and his mouth opened around words that he never got to say. Shigeru shattered them with his teeth sinking into the meat of Kyoutani’s neck, tonguing the bite mark to sooth away the sting immediately after. Kyoutani groaned, arching up into Shigeru in a manner that had Shigeru thinking of hot, fevered nights of thrusting and gasping and sudden stillness while the world re-righted itself.  
  
But that wasn’t what he wanted from tonight. No, tonight was for slow movements and words dripping off lips like syrup, for thousands of kisses and promises that Shigeru may or may not be able to keep but was going to make anyway because damn it he was so in love with Kyoutani. So he pulled away from Kyoutani’s neck and blew cool air across the red splotch he had left behind. Kyoutani whimpered and craned his neck, trying to make content again, but Shigeru pulled back.  
  
“Let me,” he said. “Let me make you feel good.” For a moment Shigeru was afraid that he had pushed too far, that Kyoutani was about to get embarrassed and pull away into gravel and broken glass. Shigeru himself was already wondering if there was any way to take those words back, to replace them with something easier, something that didn’t make Shigeru sound like a blushing virgin. But Kyoutani was nodding and lowering himself back to the mattress, was looking up at Shigeru with this eyes half-lidded and a blush tracing down his neck and onto his chest. Shigeru bit back a groan and hid his own blush in Kyoutani’s shoulder.  
  
Kyoutani’s warm… broad… shoulder…  
  
Shigeru shivered lightly, suddenly reminded of exactly what he had been planning to do today. He pressed one hand to the side of Kyoutani’s neck, letting his nails dig in just a bit, and laved his tongue up along the tendon on the other side. His free hand smoothed across the ridges of Kyoutani’s stomach, lingering just enough to touch, to feel and let himself be felt, but not enough to give Kyoutani the satisfaction he so clearly wanted. Shigeru sat upright and let his other hand join the exploration of Kyoutani’s torso.  
  
“God, you’re so beautiful, Kentarou,” Shigeru whispered. He dug his thumbs into the divots of Kyoutani’s hips just to watch the way he arched up against his own will, biting his lip to keep back the whine in his throat. Shigeru tugged at that lip with his fingertips until Kyoutani released it, soothing over the rough skin. “Let me hear you,” he commanded. Kyoutani groaned, though it was still stifled.  
  
Well.  
  
It was time to change that.  
  
Shigeru followed the path of his hands with his mouth, dipping his tongue into the hollow of Kyoutani’s sternum, tracing his lips across each rise of his abs, dragging his teeth over his obliques, reveling in the way the skin twitched and jumped under his mouth. He edged around Kyoutani’s groin, only getting close enough to nip near the base of his cock before skirting away onto those thick thighs. He groaned himself as he buried his face in them, holding them together with a brutal grip on the outside of each. He took a deep breath of the scent that pooled there, not much more than sweat and skin but still tinged with something faint and intoxicating. Kyoutani gasped as Shigeru turned his head and latched on to the soft skin of his inner thigh, sucking hard. He continued sucking until Kyoutani started to tremble under him, his leg twitching into and away from his mouth as though it couldn’t decide which way to go. He pulled off with a pop, looking down in satisfaction at the already-purpling mark he had left behind. Kyoutani would have a hard time covering that up at practice tomorrow.  
  
“You really are beautiful,” he said, still staring at the mark. “Every last inch of you.” Shigeru stroked the skin of one thigh, trailing his fingers along the black and gold ink there. He thought back to the day Kyoutani got that tattoo, to the embarrassed look on his face when Shigeru cornered him after practice and demanded to know why he had been limping.  
  
That was a little over a year ago, and the mark had only grown since then, spiraling around his thigh and up onto his hip. Shigeru traced a finger along the English words written over the image in gold, whispering them to himself. “I carry your heart,” he murmured, not quite sure if he was reading it right. Kyoutani had always been better at languages than him. “I carry it in my heart.”  
  
Shigeru had been certain the day that Kyoutani had had those words added in that he couldn’t be more in love with him. Looking down at him spread across the bed, sweating, trembling, and just a little desperate, Shigeru knew that he had never been more right, or more wrong.  
  
He couldn’t be more in love with Kyoutani, because there was no more room for love in his heart. At least, there wasn’t yet. But sometime soon, in a few hours, tomorrow, sometime next week, Kyoutani would do something, or say something, or sit in a certain way, and Shigeru’s heart would break and rebuild itself just a little bit larger, with just a little bit more room for him to love Kyoutani more. And then he wouldn’t ever be more in love with him than that, until the next time it happened.  
  
“Hey.” Kyoutani’s gruff voice drew him out of his thoughts and he dragged his eyes back up to Kyoutani’s face. “You okay?”  
  
“Yeah,” Shigeru said, surprised at how weak his own voice was, as though he were the one tied up. “Yeah, sorry.”  
  
“You’re crying,” Kyoutani pointed out. Shigeru pressed a finger to his cheek and, sure enough, it came away wet. Kyoutani tugged a little at the tie holding him in place. “What’s wrong?”  
  
“If I tell you, you have to swear that it never leaves this bedroom,” he said, glaring to drive his point home. Kyoutani raised a brow at him. Shigeru took a breath and ran his fingers down Kyoutani’s sternum. “I was thinking about how every time I look at you I’m sure that no one could be more in love with anyone than I am with you,” he said.  
  
“Well, that’s stupid,” Kyoutani growled.  
  
Shigeru huffed. “I’m so sorry that my deepest internal thoughts are-”  
  
“Shut up, that’s not what I meant,” Kyoutani interrupted.  
  
“Then what _did_ you mean?” Shigeru demanded. Kyoutani blushed and looked away, tugging on the tie again. “Kentarou,” Shigeru said again, his voice as soft as he could manage. “Tell me.”  
  
“It’s stupid ‘cause everyone thinks that,” Kyoutani mumbled. He looked at Shigeru, and his eyes were bright and hard and hazy all at once. “I think that every time I look at you.”  
  
For a long moment they simply stared t each other. Shigeru’s heart beat so hard in his chest that he was sure his ribs would crack. He watched, amused, as the moment faded and Kyoutani’s pride returned.  
  
“You gonna just sit there all night?” he grumbled. Shigeru chuckled and shook his head.  
  
“I could,” he said, only to laugh again when Kyoutani’s eyes grew wide. “I won’t, but maybe someday.” He trailed his fingertips up Kyoutani’s ribs to the ticklish spot under his breast. Kyoutani squirmed and bit his lip in a sad attempt to hide his smile. Shigeru beamed down at him, overflowing with the delight he felt in this man’s presence. He flopped forward onto Kyoutani’s chest so that he could kiss him, more a press of his smile into Kyoutani’s than anything resembling finesse or technique.  
  
It was Kyoutani who brought Shigeru’s attention back to the matter at hand. He tilted his head, pressing up into Shigeru since he could use his hand to pull him down, and slipped his tongue into Shigeru’s mouth. Shigeru groaned and tangled his fingers in Kyoutani’s short hair, tugging him into an angle he preferred. Kyoutani growled into the kiss and bucked his hips up against Shigeru’s. His cock slid, still hard and already slick, against Shigeru’s stomach. He pulled away from the kiss to bite his lip and look up at Shigeru through his lashes. Shigeru groaned and hiding his face in Kyoutani’s shoulder.  
  
“Why’re you so _hot_?” he whined. Kyoutani chuckled, and Shigeru groaned again, burying himself deeper.  
  
“You’re wearing too many clothes,” Kyoutani reminded him.  
  
“Nooo, don’t say things,” Shigeru complained. “You’re not supposed to be able to say things, I’m supposed to say things and make you a mess.” Kyoutani snorted.  
  
“You were doing okay for a while,” he teased. “But then you started crying and lost all your cool points.”  
  
“Shut up.” Kyoutani gave him a lopsided grin, enough to make Shigeru’s heart stutter to a stop and start up again, quicker and more wild than ever. He reached down in retaliation and fisted Kyoutani’s cock, reaching up with his other hand to dig the lube out from where he had stashed it under a pillow the night before. Unwilling to take his hand away, he opened the lid with his teeth, spitting it across the room and twisting the bottle until he could pour some of its contents out one-handed. Kyoutani rolled his eyes, but he still planted his feet on the bed, lifting his hips slightly. Shigeru glanced between him and his lube-coated hand in defeat. He let his chin drop to his chest and stopped stroking Kyoutani in order to reach for a pillow to slip under his hips.  
  
Shigeru had been with Kyoutani for three years, but the first press never failed to surprise him, just a little. Kyoutani was so relaxed, so willing to open up to the insistence of Shigeru’s fingers. The fist slid in easily, and it didn’t take much moving before Kyoutani was open enough for a second. Shigeru let his fingers rest for a moment, then spread them apart and began to thrust them in and out.  
  
As he moved he bent over Kyoutani again and started adding to the constellation of marks he had already left along Kyoutani’s skin. There were bruises fading on his stomach that needed to be renewed, and an entire swath on his right hip that didn’t have any evidence that Shigeru had ever been there before. Shigeru moved from one empty page to the next, writing his love for Kyoutani on his skin with broken blood vessels and the white-and-pink indentations of his teeth. Kyoutani groaned, bucking up into Shigeru’s mouth and down onto his fingers until Shigeru teased a third finger around the edge of his rim. He plunged in without another thought, jabbing all three fingers in and up and just a little to the left, closing his eyes and moaning when Kyoutani’s entire body went taut.  
  
Before Kyoutani could recover from the assault on his prostate Shigeru turned his head and fit his lips around the head of his cock, hollowing his cheeks until Kyoutani was howling. He plunged down as far as he could, stopping only by sheer muscle memory just before he would have triggered his own gag reflex. His fingers pistoned in and out of Kyoutani and his mouth worked relentlessly and the headboard began to groan at the strength with which Kyoutani was struggling against it.  
  
“Shi- Sh- ‘ru, st-stop-” Kyoutani stuttered. Shigeru only groaned around his mouthful and redoubled his efforts, using the thumb of the hand buried in his ass to press just behind his balls. The other hand left its work dragging red angry lines down Kyoutani’s ribs and circled the base of his cock, pumping what didn’t fit in Shigeru’s mouth. Kyoutani sobbed pathetically. His back arched up off of the mattress then slammed down, only to rise again. His feet twisted in the sheets and his hands twisted in Shigeru’s tie and his eyes squeezed shut until his face was the embodiment of horrid pleasure. Shigeru took a deep breath through his nose and plunged down as far as he could, swallowing in rapid succession to keep from gagging.  
  
Later he couldn’t be sure if it was his name or a prayer that Kyoutani shouted when he came, but it sounded like both. Shigeru pulled away coughing, wiping his lips with the back of his hand and blinking tears out of his eyes. He looked up with a snarky comment on his tongue, but it died when he caught sight of Kyoutani, limp and trembling on the bed. His hands were near his shoulders, the tattered remnants of Shigeru’s tie hanging off of them while he stared blankly at the ceiling.  
  
“Kentarou?” Shigeru asked. He cupped Kyoutani’s cheek with one hand, tilting his head so that he could look into those absent eyes. “Kentarou, can you hear me?” Kyoutani mumbled something and closed his eyes, leaning into Shigeru’s touch. Shigeru smiled and drew the pad of his thumb back and forth across Kyoutani’s cheekbone. “I didn’t catch that, babe,” he murmured.  
  
“Nothin’,” Kyoutani grumbled. He shifted, his eyes fluttering but not opening. “Gimme a minute,” he said. His hand twitched toward Shigeru in an aborted movement, clearly lacking the energy to do anything. Shigeru smiled and stroked Kyoutani’s sweaty forehead.  
  
“Don’t worry about it,” he said. “It’ll go down on its own. Just sleep for now.” And Kyoutani did.

**Author's Note:**

> [Tumblr](http://notsuchasecret.tumblr.com)   
>  [The poem](http://www.poetryfoundation.org/poetrymagazine/poem/179622)


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